Ask Our Agony Aunt

“Hello my name is Auntie May and I have been asked by the AYC Consultation group to listen to some of your problems and think about possible solutions. Because you know there is always an answer to any problem.”

• Q
  Do I tell my friends? Hi I’m 14 and a young carer. I live with my mum and baby brother. My mum has recently been diagnosed with schizophrenia. It’s taken a while to understand what this means. My mum is happy that she’s been diagnosed and can now have medication to help her. I am now faced with a dilemma though; I don’t know whether or not to tell my friends. I think they know that my home is a different from theirs but now I have a firm idea of why I’m not sure what to do. Auntie May do I tell my friends?
  A
  Hello there. It seems like you have a lot on your plate at the moment and school is just adding to your troubles. Have you thought about talking to a teacher you like about the situation at home? It may seem daunting but they will want to help you once they know all the facts. They may be able to extend deadlines such as coursework or give you a space to do homework at lunchtime. It is very important that you feel understood and supported. Take care Auntie May x
• Q
  No time for homework! Hi Auntie May I am a young carer. My caring responsibilities take up pretty much all of my free time so I don’t have any time for my homework. The teachers think I don’t care and keep giving me detentions, but I don’t know what else to do. For me my family comes first.
  A
  Hello! Thanks for getting in touch young carer and sharing your problem with me. As with any personal information it is always difficult to decide whether to tell the people around you. It really depends upon whether you think they would be supportive and understanding. It may be really useful for your friends to know about your home life and it would also allow you to relax if they ever came over to your house after school. If your friends knew then you might feel comfortable talking about it if you were having a hard day. Although there is stigma around mental health, having a diagnosis is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. 1 in 4 people will experience some mental health problem at some point in their life. So have a think about the pros and cons of telling people and it might be worth talking it over with someone you trust. I hope this advice will help you, Best Wishes, Auntie May x
• Q
  I feel so angry I could burst. It’s just me and my dad at the moment and he has a learning disability so I have to do a fair bit around the house. Although this is tiring I don’t mind as I love my dad and want to help him. But what I can’t cope with are people at school. They’ve found out about my dad somehow and call him names and try to impersonate him. It really gets on my nerves and makes me quite angry.I am so angry I find it hard to concentrate in class and have thought about not even going to school anymore.
  A
  Wow, I understand why you are feeling angry right now, it sounds like a horrible situation. School is very important though and no one has the right to make you think about not going anymore. You need to find someone you trust to confide in. Once the problem is out in the open the school can tackle the bullying. It’s understandable that you feel angry. However feeling angry all the time is not good for your own wellbeing. Try to do something after school you enjoy such as a sport or arts and crafts. Talk about how you are feeling to someone you trust or ask the school to get in touch with a counsellor for you. If you ever feel angry or upset try walking away or taking deep breaths. Tell an adult straightaway if you ever feel physically threatened. It may also be worth asking your school if they can refer you to the local young carers group so you can develop friendships out of the school environment. Keep in there, Best Wishes, Auntie May x
• Q
  What about my future? Hi I am a young carer and have recently finished my GCSE’s. All my friends are talking about going to college and maybe university and this makes me upset. My family need help at home and so I am worried about who will do it if I’m not there. I know my family best and so am best placed to care for them. Without me the family would crumble and I couldn’t do that to them. But I would really like to go to university and maybe become a vet. Auntie May what shall I do about my future?
  A
  Hello young carer. Your family love you and want you to be happy. Being a young carer is not ideal and there are services out there to help families where someone needs help. Talk to your Connexions worker (there is one allocated to every school) and together you could think about your future. Many young carers go to university so it is not impossible. If you are feeling upset maybe talk about your feelings to someone you trust such as your best friend as talking often makes people feel better. All the best Auntie May x